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Messy Family Dynamics- Unexpected Pregnancies

Updated: Mar 6, 2020

What good can come from an unexpected messy pregnancy, especially if the offense is caused by unconventional family relationships?

We tend to judge quickly and if we are related to the person who conceives, feelings of condemnation, shame and embarrassment come tumbling our way.

Let’s look at an ancient story from the Bible…

Tamar married into a Jewish family. The father selected her to marry his son, Er. Er was abusive, harsh, and evil. Because of this God took his life early.

What? Does God judge this way?

Evidently, He did. According to the traditions of that day, his brother, Onan was given the duty to produce offspring on behalf of his deceased brother. Onan corrupted this plan and God took his life too. The father told Tamar, “Wait until my younger son, Shelah, grows up and he can help you conceive your offspring.” But the father lived in fear of this son dying because he may have thought, “Tamar is a curse to my family and my only son, Shelah might die too if he is associated with her.” Therefore, He had no plans to fulfill what he had told Tamar. After this, the father’s wife died. For sure, he would have no more sons if Shelah died.

After the season of grief had passed, the father, alone, went to a city and paid a prostitute he saw on the street for her services. He gave her his staff, seal, and cord at her request. (Side note: In that day, “The seal or signet ring was frequently worn by Arabs on a cord fastened round the neck. The signet ring and the staff, which was often carved and highly ornamented, would be the most personal possessions of a sheikh, and, as pledges, a most certain means of identification.

He gave her these things as a pledge. Later he tried to find her to take back what he gave away but she was nowhere to be found. He couldn’t find the woman nor could he identify her by her trade. She had disappeared with his valuable forms of identification! He decided to let it go in fear that others may find out what he had done. The father hears that Tamar had become a prostitute and she was pregnant. The father demanded to see her and was planning to put her to death due to the customs of that time. He could bring this judgement on her as her father-in-law. She appears with her father-in-law’s staff, seal and cord. Not only was she pregnant, but she was pregnant by him! This was outlawed. He admits his wrong doing but realizes the desperate situation he put her in. Soon she gives birth to twins.

The story stops here. This is in the Bible? How messy! How wrong!

Now bring this to present day…

Maybe you have experienced this in your family. Messy sexual dynamics, ungodly behavior, betrayal, etc. The list can go on and on, can’t it?

Pause and reflect on these questions...

Who comes to mind?

What emotions have you been partnering with?

Who do you need to release due to your judgment?

Have you wondered what good can come out of this situation?

Now to finish the story…

Who was the father mentioned in the story? Judah, one of the sons of Israel.

Out of this prostitute and incestual relationship came a forefather of Joseph, the father of Jesus!

Photo by Shelby Miller on Unsplash

A stunner isn’t it! Born in the lineage of a sinful family and yet, Joseph was hand selected by God to act as the father of His son on Earth.

Was it a black mark against the family permanently? No.

Pause for a moment. This incident validates the reality of sin throughout history. Life moves on and God can redeem in the most unconventional ways.

If this is your situation, who condemns you? Some may come to mind, but most certainly it is seeded into our minds from the satanic realm, the accuser.

Let’s deal with it by letting go of it in prayer.

Dear Jesus,

Your family line was less than stellar due to the sins and willful acts of defiance of man. And yet, God the Father chose Joseph, a man of faith and obedience, to be the father and protector of Jesus. I repent for partnering with emotions that have caused me turmoil and judgement due to unexpected pregnancies and messy family dynamics. I forgive others for judging me due to my loved one’s choices that are evident to all due to birthing a child. I release verbally all of the condemnation, shame, embarrassment and heartache due to choices beyond my control. I release this situation to you, Father. I hand you all the emotions I have been partnering with, especially grief, disappointment, anger, worry, anxiety, and fear of the future. I oust all the voices that have been harassing me regarding this. Fill me up, Holy Spirit, with all of your fruit. I receive your peace, gentleness, kindness, and wisdom to give out your love to all involved. I receive the truth that you value this child and have an amazing plan for its life. I declare this child will be a blessing to us and my future generations. I bless all involved with peace and love. I can’t do this on my own, but I ask for your capacity in the days ahead to love and support them with Christian love. In Jesus’ name. Amen

1) Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges, Text Courtesy of Used by Permission. Bible Hub. Retrieved 12-10-19)

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